The Women's Connection
Title: MY TESTIMONY - PART I
by Cynthia Kelleher
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• Name:
Cynthia Kelleher
• State: Maryland
• Favorite Food:
chocolate
• Favorite Color:
Red
• Hobbies:
Web building,
internet, my cats
• Favorite Verse:
Phillipians 4:13
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I feel that it is appropriate to make my first article on the subject of “Women” my personal testimony. My testimony is an account of how God took a woman of shame and made her a woman of faith and virtue.
I was born in a Christian home, to Christian parents. I can’t remember a time in my life when I did not have knowledge of God and His plan of Salvation. I was raised on it. My grandparents and great-grandparents, whom I had the pleasure of knowing for the first 12 years of my life, were also Christians. When we had a problem we prayed, when we kids were sick my mother didn’t call the doctor, she called my great-grandmother to pray. So I am rich in a Godly heritage, and I am so thankful to God for giving me that gift. I can truly say that if it wasn’t for that heritage I do not know where I would be today.
So having said that I will try to organize my thoughts and put down what I feel the Lord would have said about my life.
Although my parents were Christians, they weren’t always consistent in their walk with the Lord, and there were times when we didn’t go to church on a regular basis. But I know we were consistent in going till I was about 5 or 6, which is such a crucial time in a child’s development. I feel this is when the things that will stick for life are implanted. We began going again consistently in my early teenage years until now. But there was a gapped period of time when we did not go.
I am the middle child, and, in my pre-teen and early teenage years I got caught up in the middle child syndrome, and I allowed myself to believe lies from the enemy that my parents didn’t love me. The devil pointed out to me that there were oodles of pictures of my older sister, but not many of me. But this really started when I was 8 years old, after being the youngest all that time my younger sister was born, and again picture upon picture was taken of her. I had a real problem with her and I actually hated her. It was very ugly, and don’t be fooled and call it something else, like a phase that kids will grow out of, there was a very real hatred there. There was a point in my life when my parents, especially my mother, did not know what to do with me anymore. I was violent, destructive, and very rebellious. Thank God for my grandmother, whose prayers helped break that thing off of me.
By the time I was a freshman, we were going to church again on a regular basis, and I was very committed to God and had a very good relationship with him. During this time we changed churches, because the church we were attending just sort of dissolved. Our new church was much bigger, and there were more people my age, but they did not like me. Sadly to say they were snobs, as the new church was in an affluent neighborhood. So as much as I wanted to fit in with those kids, I never did. But I did make some friends and became very involved in the youth group. I stayed active with it until after I graduated from high school. Then like so often happens I drifted away from church. I was working, and going to beauty school full time, so it was easy to make excuses for not going.
This was the beginning of what I call my “Ten Years in the Wilderness” where I went from job to job, and from man to man. I’m not going to go through a lot of detail regarding these things, but suffice it to say it is only by the grace of God that I am not 1) dead, 2) a mother, or 3) married to the wrong man. During this time of my life, I was involved in many relationships with men, and I think my own low self-esteem allowed me to be used by them. I’ve come to believe you can only be used if you allow it to happen and sometimes we allow it because we feel we don’t deserve anything better. But the thing that really put me on a path to destruction was in September 1993, when I got involved with yet another guy. I saw something in him, a hurt and scared child and I felt drawn to him. I wanted to help him, because I was born with that type of compassion in my heart. But, as I soon found out, you cannot counsel someone and be in an intimate relationship with him. It also didn’t take me long to find out that he was physically, mentally, and verbally abusive. But by that time we were living together and I felt it was too late to turn back. We went through the typical roller coaster ride that these types of relationships go through. He’s always sorry afterward, but it always happens again, in some form or another. And frankly, it really only has to happen once for them to have control over you. After that, all they have to do is raise their voice and intimidate you into thinking they might go postal on you. I suffered many things at the hands of that man, and much mental anguish. We were together until August 1996, when I got to the point in my life where I felt I would rather die than go on like that. I knew it was time to do something. Keep in mind, I was not walking with the Lord at this time and was in complete rebellion against Him. So things were pretty grim in my mind. My parents, especially my father, never gave up and never let the circumstances shake them from what they believed. Proverbs 22:6 reads “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” This among other scriptures, were the foundation for my parent’s faith.
When I finally decided I had had enough, my parents were right there by my side to help me. So I moved out of the apartment we were sharing while he was at work one day, and he came home to an empty place. I know this sounds drastic, but when I confronted him about wanting out of the relationship he just threatened to kill me. I was so bound with fear I believed him, and law enforcement in the city we lived in did not have a very positive stand against domestic violence. So I really felt like I had no other choice than to do what I did. I made my exodus, and moved into a town-home with my sister and my nephew. While I was still living with the guy, God had been dealing with me to get my life back on track, but it would have never worked in that situation. I had to be free from that environment, so I could break the ties that were binding me. The love of a father brought me home, and my father had the pleasure of leading me in a rededication prayer on Valentine’s Day in 1997. This time, I rededicated my life to the Lord, once and for all, never-gonna-turn-back again. This was the beginning of a brand new life for me and it has only gotten better since then.
In part two of my testimony I will share how my life has changed for the better since I made that decision…
VIEW PAST ARTICLES
I'm 34 years old, and have been raised in a Christian home.
I'm thankful to God for that and for praying parents & grandparents, I know
if it were not for them I would be dead. My father passed away in March
1999 unexpectedly, and that has had a great impact on our family. I was
married this year in June and my husband is literally a Godsend and I thank
God for him too. I feel very strongly about stopping domestic violence
and also guiding young people. I also have a heart for the homeless and
starving. I have been brought up under the teaching ministries of Kenneth
Copeland, Kenneth Hagin, and Joyce Meyer just to name a few and have also
been under the influence of the prophetic ministry of Kim Clement. I would
very much like to have an internet outreach and see people set free from
fear, rejection and come to know Jesus as their personal savior.
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