Through the Narrow Gate
Title: Prodigal Daughter
by Deb Nelson
Prodigal Daughter
My story is like the Prodigal Son’s story in Luke 15. I was raised Lutheran
by a Christian family, and I loved Jesus. When I was 15 years old, I quit
going to church. I wanted to follow my free will and have fun with my life.
I got a job and requested that I work Sunday mornings because I wanted to
go to the car races in the evening. This gave me an acceptable excuse to
miss church. At that point in my life church had become nothing more than
a mindless ritual my parents made me do. I quickly developed an attitude
of rebellion against religion because I saw a lot of hypocritical people.
Love and truth were not as much of a priority as looks and image. I basically
just said the words and went through the motions as far as church was concerned.
I was sexually abused as a teenager. As an adult, I’ve been emotionally,
verbally and physically abused. I spent 23 years being married and divorced
four times, into drugs, sex, drinking, lying, cheating and above all, unconsciously
searching for something that was missing in my life. I was indeed “looking
for love in all the wrong places”.
I barely remember my 20’s. I was broken,
hurting, feeling defective; I felt worthless, imperfect and like damaged
goods. I was doing all I could to numb my feelings from the time I put my
feet on the floor in the morning until the time I passed out at night. It’s
an unfulfilling lifestyle. I found my friends weren’t true friends, just
people to party with and pass the time. I felt “frozen”, wanting to change
and not knowing how, trying to transform my life myself. It was hard work
and just frustrated me and I went deeper into the pit. My marriage was falling
apart, my husband was having an affair, and he was abusive. Everything I
had tried to do so far had failed. I realized that I couldn’t do it anymore.
I was searching for answers.
I hadn’t attended a worship service in
20 years. I only went to church for weddings and funerals. This time, it
was for a baptism. My nephew, Cam was being baptized and I knew I couldn’t
get out of going. Crossing the street with my husband on the way to church,
I remember saying “I can’t wait until this is over, cause then I won’t have
to come back until someone gets married or buried“.
The church was crowded
and there was reserved pews in the front for the baptism. I wanted to sit
in the back of the church where I could escape quickly and not pay attention
to the service. But there I was, stuck in the 3rd row! The worship started
and it blew me away. I had never heard of Praise Singing and I loved it!
I couldn’t believe what I had walked into!
I was amazed, the Pastor didn’t
wear a robe and was young, he spoke my language, and everything was so real.
The sermon that day was called the “Insurance Claim”. It was about trying
to do it alone. I had felt so alone, struggling with life, everything he
said I could use. I couldn’t hear enough; I was hungry for help that was
real. It was like he was speaking directly to me, like he knew my life and
what I needed to hear. I’m sure the Holy Spirit was working on me that day.
It was the first time that the scriptures made sense to me, it wasn’t just
someone preaching at me, he was teaching me what it means to me today sitting
in my pew, with my problems.
All I thought about that week was my experience
on Sunday. I knew I had to go back to see if it was too good to be true.
The next Sunday the sermon was “The Revealing of Feeling is the Beginning
of Healing”, another relevant message for me. I thought at that point that
someone was filling the Pastor in and telling him my life. I now know that
someone was it was the Holy Spirit. The 3rd sermon I heard was “Recovering
from Resentment”, I tell you, I could not get enough of this church thing.
I sat in my pew and took notes on the sermon; I would study those notes
all week long. I could not believe how consistent the messages were to my
life needs.
Like the Prodigal Son, I had come to the end of myself.
I had tried everything I could with no success. I had made a real big mess
of my life. Now, I was going home. And I found the same thing that he found;
a Father that loved me so much, He was waiting for me, expecting me! And
while I was still along way off, He ran down the road to meet me right where
I was. He greeted me with open arms, happy and excited, loving me and welcoming
me home! I found that even though I had been rejecting Him and choosing
a sinful life, He was not rejecting me! He was choosing me, loving me and
waiting for me! I always felt like I had to earn everything in life and
now, Jesus was offering me grace, mercy and forgiveness for free! Just like
the Prodigal Son, I received a ring of authority, a robe of righteousness,
and my Father threw a party for my return. I know the angels were celebrating
that day. I felt so unworthy, but Jesus didn't care. He knew I wasn’t
worthy before I left, I wasn’t worthy now and no matter how long I waited
or what I did, I never would be worthy. That’s the blessing of mercy, grace
and forgiveness. I found my sins were gone! As far as the east is from
the west (Psalm 103:12) and I was a new person in Christ, (II Corinthians
5:17)
God transformed my life and He can transform yours. He likes to use the
weak and lowly for His work, (I Corinthians 1:27-28). I live for God now
and I have peace, joy and love like a river, better than any drug I've ever
taken!
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